John: Stay Awake
by Blaze0843
Summary: You used to believe that dreams were the greatest thing, but you've come to realize that reality is finally better than your imagination.


This is probably the sixth time you've twisted and tumbled. The bed sheets are falling off the sides, your hair drenched in sweat, but you're not hot. In fact, you're freezing. The large bed is empty at your sides, and you can't think of who could fill it. With the blanket bunched up at your waist, you're in the most uncomfortable sleeping position you could think of. You're pretty sure your arm is going to suffocate from being trapped underneath your head. But no matter how much you toss and turn, sleep doesn't come. It taunts, within your grasp, but quickly slips away before you can fall asleep. And every time you open your eyes in shock, and you take a look around the room, you realize just how homesick you're feeling. The room is just as you left it, but it's not the same. Everything's familiar, but alien. The walls are barren from your lack of enthusiasm towards the movies. Your computer hasn't been turned on for years, but the keyboard has a searing whole through it, too, so there's no point in even turning it on. The ceiling fan above you is zooming at eighty miles an hour, but you're still sweating from the heat. A melancholy feeling washes over you, forcing your stomach to turn at the sight of such things. You don't dare go anywhere else in the house other than your room and the living room. Never the kitchen, to avoid Nanna. Never your father's room.

Drops of sweat cling to your entire being, a towel to your side drenched from your most recent dabs. The blinking monstrosity that is your clock reads 2:34 a.m. Jegus. It's been seven hours since you last tried falling asleep. Seven long hours of insomnia. It's not nightmares or anything. In fact, you haven't been dreaming much lately. But, for some reason, tonight is different. Tonight, you can't even close your eyes. They're lead, heavy with sleep, but every time you try, something jolts you awake. And you're not sure what it is. An arm reaches out and pulls you back to the surface every time you begin to feel yourself drifting away in a state of peace. Then you go through the motions, twisting, turning, and groaning as you try to get comfortable again, only to repeat the process. And you've been doing this for seven hours. Maybe it's time to try something different.

The ticking of the clock echoes in your head, thumping in intermittent patterns as you occasionally feel blood rushing to your ears. This is around the time you feel a headache gripping your temples, pounding against your skull like a drum. However, it is rhythmical, as if it were a lullaby. But even this lullaby can't put you to sleep. Shivering like a lost little puppy, you pull the quilts up to your neck to wrap yourself inside the blanket, but it only sends a heat flash over your body. You throw them to the ground, huffing in frustration, and twisting onto your left side. One arm grips the pillow tightly, the other one trapped beneath your weight.

Something doesn't feel right. You're not sure what it is, either. But something's missing, and you can't put your finger on it. You never felt this before, so why do you suddenly feel it now? Maybe you're just angry at Davesprite, the douche, hurting your sister like that. Or maybe not. Or maybe it's because he just had to remind you of your dad that day. You never really thought of the guy to be a douche until now. But he's just like Dave, right? You don't really know anymore. Jade told you herself that he's not the same. Still, you can't help but feel... not angry, but frustration.

Your blue eyes open sleepily, staring at the same clock. Two thirty-six. Ugh. This is going to take forever. And who knows how much longer you can keep this up? Before you know it, it'll be nine in the morning. Your hands tremble with anxiety; nausea burning in your stomach. You try the glass of water on the wooden end table. But it hasn't helped since nine at night. Besides, it's basically just a small rim of water now, collected at the bottom of the glass. It could only really come out as two drops if you were to pour it out. Nonetheless, you let those two drops fall on your tongue, and it feels as though, for the first time, water has taste. Dripping down your throat, savoring every slick feeling as it numbs your dry throat. You need more.

Pushing yourself up slow and easy, you grab your glasses clumsily from their place next to your empty drink. After fumbling with your glasses for awhile, you pick up the glass and sleepily make your way out of the room. While it's difficult to see, you can still make out your room, which is now bare; you've already torn down every poster you've ever had on there. Even the ones of Nic Cage. A battered desk still stands from all those years ago, and you're amazed it hasn't crumbled yet. With what all the shit going on, you assumed everything in your house would be broken. Amazingly, no.

The door creaks so loud, you're afraid you've woken Jade. Then, you realize, that she's not even here. She decided she was going to sleep in her own house tonight. You almost forgot. There was a weird feeling of hurt in you, that she would leave you here alone to sleep. It always made you feel better, knowing someone else was in the house with you, even if she was out on the couch curled up like a puppy. Davesprite is an aloof little bastard, taking to whatever planet he wants, occasionally taking a roost on the ship itself. You don't know how he can sleep standing... er, floating up. That sounded a lot better in your head than it did out loud.

You peek out into the hallway, your eye able to see absolutely nothing through the crack in the door. It feels as though you're playing some form of Metal Gear Solid, quickly yet silently plopping yourself against the hallway wall after making sure Nanna wasn't out and about. You've caught her many times baking cookies at midnight. And when she catches you up this late, she normally goes on a lecture of how "you're not a bat, but a kid, and kids need their eight hours of sleep, y'know!" Frankly, she can be a bit tiring. Heck, she can be exhaustive to the point where its unnecessary, running words one after another. You're not really sure how your Dad managed to keep up with her.

After carefully checking each corner, you find yourself tiptoeing down the steps, which is quite a feat seeing as every step you take makes the wooden steps cry out in creaking agony. You wince as each step increases your chances of waking Nanna, but you finally make it to the bottom of the stairs, realizing you didn't trip this time. It's easier to keep from tripping when you're going slow. That might be a nice tip for Dave when you meet up.

You find your way into the living room, noticing that you left the T.V. running. There's no static noise, thank Gog. Although, if that was running all night, you're pretty sure you would have noticed. However, thanks to the T.V., you can actually see where you're going and not bump into every wall. The remote is placed on the couch arm where Jade was sitting when you watched the movie, sitting lonely as it waited for someone to come along and click the power button. You put the poor thing out of its misery.

The T.V. flashes off, and you instantly regret it. Unable to see anything, you bump into just about every object in the room from the fireplace to the couch, and even step into a lovely batch of cake. Lovely. You wipe the bottom of your shoe in disgust against the carpet. Welp, that's a nice cake stain you might never be able to get out. Oh well. Nanna seems to be a wiz at cleaning. If anyone can get it out, it's her. Or maybe sprites just have magical cleaning abilities, who knows?

After what seemed like five hours of endless shin-bumping shenanigans, you finally find yourself at the saloon-like sliding doors that lead into the kitchen. The lights are off, but you're still weary and on edge. Who knows if sprites can see in the dark? Maybe Nanna prefers to do her cooking in the dark. Whatever the case, you still refuse to step inside until you know she is not there. You don't feel like hearing an endless story/lecture combination from her. You'd rather stay awake in your bed the whole night, no sleep.

You push the swinging half-doors open slowly, making sure to check the oven. There's no light emitting from the inside, so you know she's not in there. Steadily, you close the doors behind you, deciding to hover just slightly above the ground to avoid leaving footsteps for her to hear. The draft is insignificant, so you don't have to worry about it whistling, but it's enough to lift you an inch off the ground.

Hovering over to the fridge, you find the water dispenser and put the cup underneath it. A small light comes on, and the pouring water is loud. You'll just have to hope you can do this fast. Looking around yourself nervously for anyone, you don't even notice you made the cup overflow. You curse silently to yourself, and rush to the counter to get a rag, totally forgetting to hover. After sipping a bit from the cup to keep it from spilling anymore, you get down on your knees and begin to wipe up the stain.

_Crash!_

Oh fuck. The glass tipped over. Well, that's just great. Least it didn't break. You quickly pick it up, wipe up the remaining water, and refill it.

"John?"

Nice going, Egbert.

"Yeah?" You say barely above a whisper, swiftly turning around only to find Jade standing at the door. "Jade? What are you doing here? I thought you said you were going to sleep in your own house."

She seems a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I know I did. I couldn't sleep, so I guess I just thought I'd see if you were awake. Sorry if I woke you."

You chuckle. "Woke me? I've been awake since last morning." You clumsily set the cup on the counter. "Haven't been able to get sleep."

"So, you're the same?" She sighs and rubs her eyes in exhaustion. In fact, she looks more sleep-deprived than you. "I'm way past the point of 'I'm going to pass out in about two seconds' and am now to the point where I'm too tired to fall asleep." She quickly continues, "Er, that is, if that even makes sense."

You nod and try your best not to laugh. "Yeah, I know the feeling. You wanna watch a movie or somethin', since we're up?"

Jade eyes you confusingly. "But I thought you hated all of Nic's movies now."

"Nah," you respond, "just some of them. And besides, I've got movies _other_ than Nic Cage, y'know. I'm not completely obsessed about him, er, well used to."

"Really? I had no idea!" She replies sarcastically, hopping out to the living room. You nearly forget your freshly poured water as you follow her into the living room, trying your best to blink the sleep from your eyes.

She plops herself onto the couch, nestling into the corner, and yawns, waiting for you to play the movie. Geez, do you have to do _everything_ around here? Nonetheless, you crouch down next to the T.V., turn it on once more, and select a movie. It's only now that you realize you really _don't _have anything other than Nic Cage. Note to self: make sure to dump all of these crummy movies and buy some real ones.

Finally deciding on Ghost Rider, you rolls your eyes and groan inside your head. Why couldn't your dad have forcefully kept you off these ridiculous movies? Okay, some of them aren't that bad, but others... Gog...

You hit the play button, waiting for the dinosaur to spur to life and begin reading the disk. The chances of it working are slim, but you're a bit saddened when it actually works. Great, time to sit through another two and a half hours of "what the fuck is this?"

Taking a seat next to Jade, she makes sure that she keeps the remote as opposed to you. Probably just so you can't pause the movie to rant. Maybe, just this time, you can keep your mouth shut. Or try to.

The T.V. flicks with the moving pictures, but you can't really seem to pay attention. Jade is intently watching, a goofy smile on her face as she laughs at the scenes playing on screen. You're pretty sure she's not even taking the movie seriously, especially since she occasionally rolls her eyes.

But you're dazing. You can't think straight, can't focus on the movie. It all just blurs out and fades to black, and you feel yourself begin to drift away. Not sleeping, but it seems as if your whole brain is just shutting down. What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Ever since your birthday two nights ago, you haven't felt the same. You hate it, and wish it would just go away. But, no matter how much you try to ignore it, it doesn't go away. You can't hide or run away from this problem. It's inside you.

You're pretty certain it's not your dad. Not that you've gotten over that, but you've found yourself too exhausted and depressed to cry. Too... tired of everything to be upset about it. You just want this game to end, so that no more lives are taken. You don't know what you'd do if Jade... or Dave or... Rose died. You feel a cringe in your stomach.

Is that it, John? You feel scared for their lives? Dave and Jade can take care of themselves. Rose, too. She's scary smart. Super scary smart. You always have wondered, ever since day one, what those two are doing. You really hope they haven't gotten too comfortable with each other. Oh Gog, what did you just say? That's ridiculous; they're siblings. Ectosiblings, granted, but still siblings nonetheless. Is... that what you're scared of?

"John?" Jade whispers, and you almost didn't hear it. You turn your head slightly, so that you're not directly looking at her, and lower your gaze. "Is something wrong? You haven't said a single word about the movie."

You scowl. "I'm fine. I'd just thought you'd appreciate it if I didn't say anything. If you don't, I can start-"

"John, shut up." She interrupts you, throwing you off-guard. You twist to face away from her, your arms crossed in frustration. "What is up with you? Ever since your birthday, you've been a grouchy, grumpy, pubescent-"

"So what?" You snap, doing whatever you can to separate yourself from her as far as you can.

"So, it's worrying me!" She whines, and for once, you feel guilt. "I only want to help you, John, but I can't do that if you've always got a scowl on your face."

"Maybe I want a scowl on my face." You retort, "Maybe I just want the whole world—universe, to just stop and actually see what-"

"The universe doesn't revolve around you, John." She stops you right in your tracks, and you finally shut your mouth for once. You open your mouth to say something, but she interrupts, "Look, I know what you're going through. I'm going through the exact same thing."

"Oh really?" You growl, "How so? I'm pretty sure your dad isn't dead, and you're not realizing what an idiot you were from five years ago, and not realizing that every waking moment you spend is thinking about R—I mean, your dad, and-"

"Wait, what?" Jade stops you, intrigued by something you might have said. Whoops.

"Nothing." You reply and rest your chin on your hand, your elbow digging into the couch's arm in frustration.

"C'mooonn, John, you can tell me." She whimpers and leans onto you, making the puppy dog face you hate so much.

"Stop it." You huff, leaning further away from her.

"Seriously, what's wrong? Is it that you... are going through... uh, sexual stuff?"

Your eyes open wide with shock. "Wh-what? No, ew, gross!"

"Orrr you're having feelings?" How does she know these things?

"No, of course not!" You push her away.

"Is it Rose?"

"Whaaat?" You dramatize, shoving her off you. "No! No, no, no!"

"C'mon, admit it!"

"Jade, no, I don't!"

"Alright then, if you say so." Jade turns away, humming in thought, as if waiting for you to crack. You turn away and click play on the remote again, twitching your mouth in disgust. The two of you sit there in silence, just watching the movie. It's about half-way in, now, and all these actions scenes are making you sick.

You turn to look at Jade, slowly, so she doesn't notice. She seems too absorbed into the movie to notice. Turning back to the movie, your fingers twitch in anxiety.

"Okay, fine!" You throw your arms up in surrender, and Jade gives you a look of triumph.

"Sooo, you admit it?"

"Yes! Okay? Yes! I admit. I, John Egbert, admit that I, John Egbert, likes Rose Lalonde! Okay?" You growl and slump in your seat, back turned to the half-dog sitting next to you. "At least, I think I do." Your tone this time is softer and more hurt.

"Knew it!" She grins and folds her arms behind her head. "So _that's _why you've been acting like this."

"Oh, I don't know, Jade!" You groan, rubbing your eyes into the palms of your hands. "I just don't know anymore."

Now, there's a look of compassion and empathy on her face, instead of the triumph of figuring out your problems. She gives a small pout, realizing your hurt. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I should be apologizing. I've been a jerk." You sigh and gnaw the inside of your cheek.

"I guess it's okay. I mean, we've all been a little on edge on this ship." She smiles, "But don't worry, it's only about one more year."

"One more fucking year. Lovely." You roll your eyes and purse your lips, instantly regretting lashing out at Jade. You don't mean to, but you just can't help. It seems that everyday, you're just angry, sad, and confused.

"Oh, don't be so grim." In short, she tells you to lighten up and try to have a good time. Like that's going to happen.

The movie continues to play for awhile, nearing the last quarter of the movie. Although, you've completely missed the first three fourths of it, so you're pretty lost in what just happened. The last time you watched this movie was... well, when you were just a little kid, and you thought it was the coolest thing in the world, and your Dad didn't seem to care. Not about the movie, but the fact that he was perfectly okay with you loving an actor that seemed to be everywhere in his movie career.

"I guess... I miss her... and Dave!" You quickly add, growing red with embarrassment.

She just giggles at you. "I can tell!"

"Um, so, it doesn't bother you?"

"What do you mean?" She asks confusingly.

"Er, well," you stutter, "I dunno. I guess I just thought it would make you uncomfortable, or something."

"Not at all! So long as you don't mind Dave and I."

"Woah, what?" Eyes as wide as dinner plates, you stare at her and her stupid aloof grin.

"Yup! I think that's the reason Davesprite broke up with me, y'know? Step down so the real Dave can step up?" You couldn't rule that out completely. Despite your outrageous outbursts, Jade didn't really seemed all that fazed by Davesprite's actions. Maybe it was you just overreacting?

You just shrug and turn back to the movie, but she doesn't seem to notice your bashfulness and continues. "So, I guess that's it then, huh? We kinda do like them in a way?"

"In a way," You agree, scratching your chin and leaning onto your arm once more. Because your fist is buried into your cheek, your words come out a bit muffled.

More silence. The movie continues, but you notice Jade is becoming even more tired than before, yawning practically every five seconds. Maybe you should just head to bed?

"No, I can keep going." She says, almost reading your mind, and shakes herself out of it. You just go back to watching, the last twenty minutes coming up.

"Y'know..." You blurt out, "You already know I had to kiss her to bring her back, right?"

She nods, a slight "mmhmm" to her voice.

"Well, uh, I guess I never really had feelings for her until then? Like, I guess I sorta saw our relationship as a weird sort of thing where we could tease each other to their limit, but not go over the edge. Like we were best friends. Which we are! Don't get me wrong, of course we are, I just mean, like, I just never noticed it was becoming more than that until the kiss, y'know?"

"John, you're rambling." She interrupts, a coy smile plastered on her face.

"Oh, whatever. I'm allowed to ramble when I'm in love." You retort, an equally devious grin.

"So you admit it, then? I bet Rose'll swoon when the two of you reunite and you tell her."

"Woah, wait, what? Tell her?" Cheeks cherry-red, you bite your lip in anxiety. "Uh, I don't know if I can do that."

"Well, why not?"

"'Cause I'll just end up totally embarrassing myself and I'll choke, and I'll get nervous to the point where I'm rambling like an idiot, like last time when we met and she couldn't speak English, and I was just going on and on like a bumbling idiot."

"Like now?"

"Like now." You agree, "I mean, what if she doesn't like me the same?"

"Oh, don't say that." She throws your worry out the window. "Of course she'll like you! I can just... tell these things!"

"Oh really?"

"Yup! Ever since you too met, I can see it!"

"Nuh uh."

"It's true!" She smiles warmly, a glow that tells you that everything will be alright. And for once in the two years you've been on this claustrophobic ship, you actually believe her.

After that, the two of you keep popping in other Nic Cage movies, laughing at the hilarious antics and not even taking them seriously. You stay awake the whole night, even still up at nine o'clock in the morning. And you feel better now.

After the two of you decide you finally need rest, you go back up to your room, and Jade returns to her world. You plop yourself down on the bed, and you finally know what's missing. Well, what was missing.

Because you've found it now.


End file.
